Miscarriage turned my world upside down in June of 2017.
I didn’t think it would happen to me (again). And nothing could have prepared me for it. Since opening up about my miscarriage I have had many women reach out to me with open hearts about their struggles. I hear stories every single day about miscarriage and although it is fairly “common”, that doesn’t make the individual experience any less challenging.
One of the most frequent questions I get from women who have recently experienced miscarriage…
“Does it get easier?”
|Photography by Megan Kathleen|
In this moment my heart drops because I know so badly that when someone asks this question they are searching for HOPE, a glimmer of light in the darkness. They want to know that at some point this heavy darkness will lift. And all though I can confidently say “this too shall pass”, I’m not sure it ever will get easier.
It doesn’t get easier.
You get stronger.
There are plenty of moments where it hits you in the gut and strength isn’t anywhere to be seen. Just an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. It is hard to put into words what that feels like. But every time you feel the feels and then chose to move through them, you are getting stronger. One day at a time.
Strength doesn’t mean you don’t cry, you can’t feel, or have a hard day…it means you pick yourself up with a box of tissues in hand and keep going. I find myself crying at the most random times, out in public, while scrolling social media, in the shower…the tears just come rolling down my cheeks.
I would have been 30 week pregnant today. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about it. And then the universe continues to remind that I should be pregnant right now by sending formula samples to our doorstep. My chest gets tight and my heart aches every time I see one of those little boxes.
Not so much.
As my due date (2/18/18) quickly approaches there are many days where it honestly feels harder. But I have gotten stronger through these difficult experiences.
If we wait for life to get easier, we might be waiting forever because the reality is life is really freakin hard. Challenges will continue to be thrown at us, sometimes one right after another. During these trying times I remind myself that good comes from these challenges in the form of growth.
Don’t fight it.
Be with it.
Move through it.
In the words of Trevor Hall…”You can’t rush your healing, darkness has it’s teachings, love is never leaving.”